manhood.htm

Notes on Manhood

From Arnold Schwarzenegger

So when I see these manfluencer and “trad” (apparently this is the internet way to say traditional) accounts post things about a man should never change a diaper or cook a meal for his family or clean because it’s emasculating, I realize they didn’t have positive male role models like my dad.

I know I’m lucky. I want all men and boys who read this crap to realize that being afraid to change a diaper or cook for your family is the opposite of being masculine.

The most traditional definitions of masculinity involve being a provider and a protector.

You might think providing means you need to be the only or the biggest salary, but that’s a narrow view. If you’re making sure food is on the table, then you’re providing. You might think protecting means puffing up your chest and sitting on your porch to scare people off. This isn’t the Wild West. Expand your definitions. Changing that diaper protects your kid from an infection.

I’m lucky my dad showed me the way so that my version of masculinity can be a mix of lifting 500 pounds, walking miles with a heavy ruck on my back, being the cook for my family, changing a lot of diapers, and having pretend tea parties. I learned from him that doing any of these things and more is the opposite of emasculating — because real men do what needs to be done without asking if it is manly.

Masculinity isn’t some puffed-up, showboating thing you must prove every second of every day. The manliest guys will never tell you how masculine they are.

Real masculinity is confidence. It’s strength. It’s nurturing. It’s positive.

From Wild at Heart

Becoming a man means transcending your false self. Letting go of the image you want to portray to others and aligning your private and public self. It means having a strong sense of self-worth and competence that comes from having faced challenges, having gone on a journey, come back, and sharing the lessons with others. Having gone on a "Hero's Journey".

It means not considering the woman as the place where you get your sense of self-worth or confidence, but deriving that confidence from your own experiences and trust in your abilities. It means building a name for yourself. Whether that name is the one assigned to you or the one you respond to. It means knowing your name, knowing your values, what you stand for, what you tolerate and what you don't.

If you don't stand for something, you fall for anything

To create that renewed image you have to challenge yourself to be initiated. Do something hard. If you're used to being on speech team, trying a contact sport. If you're normally quiet, trying to speak up. It means getting outside of your comfort zone and going through difficulties. So that you know what you're capable of.

It means accepting life difficulties as lessons to learn.

It means recognizing who have been your idols of manhood. Challenging what society teaches you of what it means to be a man. Realizing that the emmasculated, domesticated man is not the person who will survive during a war. There's a reason why aggression has evolved with us. It has done harm and good. Helped us protect our loved ones and our communities.

Being a man means going to the woman to go on an adventure together, not to have her be the center of your life.